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AIM 78(3):423-446 (2021)

In the Shadow of the Crematorium: Son of Saul, The Grey Zone, and a Second-Generation Childhood

Author: Nanette C. Auerhahn

Abstract

When asked to write a discussion for a book on Holocaust cinema (Diamond and Skalrew, 2019), I could barely bring myself to watch the movies discussed in the book, let alone scrutinize them closely enough to formulate an aesthetic, psychoanalytic, or intellectual assessment. Instead, my visceral immersion in the visual scenes left me anxious and avoidant. This was especially the case with Son of Saul (2015), a movie I had previously decided not to watch after briefly starting to view its trailer online; its images were so evocative and provocative that I had burst into tears and turned away after only a few seconds. When asked to discuss the movie at an APsaA conference (Auerhahn and Laub, 2018), I considered watching the film a second time but couldn't bring myself to do so. During that period, I had the following dream:

There were several glass bottles with the invisible bodies of people in them. Slowly, life was fading out of these bodies as they suffocated to death. One could tell because although the bodies were invisible and indeed were essentially wisps of air, so long as the individuals were alive the color in the bottles was pinkish red. As the individuals suffocated, the level of red became lower and lower until no color remained once the person inside had died. I watched this process happening and quickly grabbed one of the bottles to pour the person out, because the red had almost disappeared. I could neither see nor feel his body but followed the instructions of a figure who told me to conjure up the body through my hands as I massaged what I imagined must be there, believing in the experience of my mind and putting on hold my absent sensory experience. Very slowly, a body began to emerge, first in black and white and finally in color, with clothes. But it
Page 423
was dead, and try as I might, I could not revive it. As I awoke, I had the thought that I wanted to dream the dream again; to attempt once more to resuscitate the individual who had died.

I share this

AIM 78(3):423-446 (2021)

In the Shadow of the Crematorium: Son of Saul, The Grey Zone, and a Second-Generation Childhood

Author: Nanette C. Auerhahn

Abstract

There were several glass bottles with the invisible bodies of people in them. Slowly, life was fading out of these bodies as they suffocated to death. One could tell because although the bodies were invisible and indeed were essentially wisps of air, so long as the individuals were alive the color in the bottles was pinkish red. As the individuals suffocated, the level of red became lower and lower until no color remained once the person inside had died. I watched this process happening and quickly grabbed one of the bottles to pour the person out, because the red had almost disappeared. I could neither see nor feel his body but followed the instructions of a figure who told me to conjure up the body through my hands as I massaged what I imagined must be there, believing in the experience of my mind and putting on hold my absent sensory experience. Very slowly, a body began to emerge, first in black and white and finally in color, with clothes. But it
Page 423
was dead, and try as I might, I could not revive it. As I awoke, I had the thought that I wanted to dream the dream again; to attempt once more to resuscitate the individual who had died.

I share this