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Reik bases his concept of love on the premise that love and sex differ in nature and origin. He regards sex as an urge common to man and beast; it can realize its aim, the release of physical tension, through a casual medium. Love, a desire resulting from cultural development, can realize its aim, the release of psychical tension, only through a specifically selected medium.
Throughout his discussion, Reik describes romantic love mainly; he considers mature love of paler hue but similar nature. He claims that love springs from the soil of ego-deficiency and discontent with self. The dissatisfied man with lowered self-esteem “falls in love” to avoid the deeper pit of despair. To account for the variability of moods and attitudes in the lover, Reik presents the charming Greek myth which deals with the progenitors of Love. While Plenty, the son of Cunning, lay in drunken slumber, Poverty came a-begging. Being weary she lay down beside Plenty and thus was Love conceived.
Reik deals mainly with man's love. The choice man makes is determined by his attitude towards himself and the honesty with which he has faced his concealed inner needs and demands. He admires his love without restrictions; it represents his original strivings for self-perfection. Man need not even know what he admires in the idealized object. Before man can love he must overcome by the unconscious force of will the forerunners of love; these are envy, jealousy, possessiveness, hostility, and the desire to dominate.
Reik believes that woman's challenge to man lies in her aloofness, self-possession, and remoteness. He feels that woman does not have so strong an urge to idealize her mate and can more readily tolerate his shortcomings. This he attributes to woman's greater insecurity, vulnerability, and fear about the exposure of her weaknesses. Woman's love is merely an answer to the call of man. In his final evaluation, Reik classifies love as an illusion, an attempt to escape isolation and loneliness, and a