Marital Disharmony and Character Structure

Much has been written on the subject of marriage. When I reviewed some of this literature, I had the impression that it would have been wiser for some of these writers to have followed the advice of George Bernard Shaw¹. When he was invited by Count Keyserling to contribute to a book on marriage, Shaw declined and wrote the following: “No man dare write the truth about marriage while his wife still lives.” Fortunately, my paper is a scientific one and is the outgrowth of my studies on the oppositional adolescent and adult and how such an individual fares in marriage.

At some time in life, most individuals consider marriage. It will be the most complex relationship they will elect to have in life. All too often their expectations and the satisfactions which they desire from marriage are not forthcoming. It is not surprising that the first three years of marriage have been called “the period of disillusionment.” Many marriages weather this period and both partners continue in a relationship that enriches them and serves to enhance their development. Unfortunately, for those who refuse to accept their partners as they are, the marriage becomes the arena for chronic unresolved conflict in which the partners seem welded together by hopelessness, helplessness, resignation and despair.

Multiple forces propel individuals into marriage. There are social, cultural and religious pressures to marry. There is even the preferential tax concessions given to the married. There are also the intrapsychic and interpersonal needs of the individual. Some individuals see the marital partner as fulfilling their deficit needs. Marriage may also be seen as insurance against poverty, loneliness, and the need to be protected. The need to be needed is sometimes a potent force in marriage. This is particularly evident in wives of alcoholics. For some women, the search is to be married to a fairy prince but, unfortunately, a few find themselves married to an ordinary fairy.

It is generally accepted