Choice: The Human Prerogative*

THE request for some comments about this important and interesting subject arrived as I was about to leave on my vacation. It touched off quite some conflict around the very topic which had been suggested — namely, would I choose to write something on this subject or would I not. What quickly came to the fore as I initially confronted this conflict were some familar automatisms. On the one hand, the compulsive “yes”, an expression mainly of “shoulds” relating to duty, obligation, fulfilling inner demands and (externalizing to the Editor, in spite of the most gracious quality of her request) the expectations of others, all given power by the specter of anticipated guilt and disapproval if I refused. On the other hand, the equally compulsive “no”, an expression mainly of perfectionism, rebellion against “coercion,” and the undermining effects of self-disparaging comparisons. In spite of the anxiety which I experienced each time I confronted and was confronted by this conflict, I was able for the most part to resist the temptation to solve the conflict and gain relief by “getting it over with,” either by writing something quickly or by dropping the whole issue quickly. I chose to let it be, to live with it, and it was interesting to see how the topic returned almost as if of its own volition. It was the topic that increasingly returned rather than the conflict. I became increasingly interested in the project and, as in previous similar situations, serendipitous thoughts and feelings about the subject began to come to me at odd moments when my mind was presumably focused on something else entirely. For me this has always been a reliable indicator of genuine commitment. With this the fear of guilt and disapproval, and the feelings of being burdened and coerced, receded. I believe the decision to write the following is, for the most part, an expression of genuine choice. I have dwelt on my decision at some length because I feel that my own involvement in and resolution of