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Lacan's intriguing theory of self invites us to ponder how the sense of self might be created in the child. His theory comes to us hidden in the labyrinth of his obscure writing, but we will be able to illuminate its basic outline with a series of anecdotes accompanied by commentary based on Lacan quotations. The picture that emerges in this light will show why subtle dimensions of language such as metaphor and connotation are important in the study of self.
Suppose that one afternoon when you were a three-year-old child you were at a gathering around a big yellow oak table. You were sitting in an aunt's lap while people chatted happily, drinking coffee and munching on cookies. You had already had two of these cookies and now there was only one left. It sat on a simple white plate in the center of the unadorned table. Time passed, and no one took the beautiful cookie. Then, at this important moment in your young life, without concern or apprehension, your child's hand reached innocently for that single cookie and, in an instant, it was inside your mouth.
But before you had a chance to chew the cookie, your aunt said, “Oh, you are selfish! Look at you! You took the last cookie!”
Being only three years old you did not understand what it meant “to be selfish,” of course, but the anger and the condemnation came through. And when your aunt made you spit the cookie out, dribbling the moistened