This paper explores the relationships between experienced defect and the subsequent shame and longing for recognition. A clinical vignette is presented in which a young woman sought treatment for her infidelity to her husband: a behavior she found totally mystifying and deeply troubling. Using Bollas' concept of “the unthought known,” parallels are drawn between this patient, who was adopted at 2 weeks of age, and Oedipus' experience of knowing and not knowing his fate. A case is made for the idea that we both avoid and seek to know what is unbearable about ourselves, including our sense of defects. One motivation for this is the longing to be seen, recognized, known, and, finally, know one's self.