Letter to John Bowlby

I have always wanted to write John Bowlby a letter, and so, what would be more appropriate than to seize the moment and write about my own reverence for this great man, when we are currently commemorating the twenty-fifth anniversary since his death, a man who was a pioneer of the theory of the mind and who profoundly shaped the quality of my life as well as the lives of millions of others.

Dear John,

When one person's ideas make an impression on another person, irrespective of time or place, the imprint of that idea will remain within us for as long as we live. I clearly remember, that winter sunny Saturday morning in 1992, when I came across an article in The Guardian about attachment theory. I was relatively new in this country, having just become a mother and, as you can imagine, having to make a lot of adjustments to my life. Reading about separation anxiety and the impact of mourning and loss on our everyday life filled me with tears but also gave me a sense of exhilaration and elation. This was the first time that, I faced my own personal grief.

Embedded in empirical analysis, unlike any other previous social theory, attachment theory deeply resonated with my inner and outer experiences, organising the many doubts that used to preoccupy me. I was constantly searching for words that could narrow the gap between my implicit knowing and explicit language. Finding attachment theory, felt like matching the right lyrics to a powerful tune, or like applying accurate subtitles to my emotional state, moreover it felt like coming home; a theory that goes right to the core and is a centre of exchange for ideas about us as human beings and our relationship with others. I liked Anthony Storr's endorsement of you in the first first volume of your “Trilogy” Attachment and Loss. He wrote: “his contribution has given psychoanalysis a shot in the arm and a biological perspective that was sadly lacking.”

Suddenly everything made sense! Just as you never forgot little John's sad