In the aftermath of her wife's death, the author reflects upon the impact of loss on her relationship with food. She touches on her history in which preparing and feeding nutritious and delicious food held a largely medicinal function and how that evolved in her early relationship with her wife. When her wife was diagnosed with cancer, paradoxically, food served at once as a symbol of agency and denial—sustenance to keep her wife alive—as well as a meter of cancer's encroachment and the powerlessness to halt death. As the author grapples with her changing reality in the wake of death, she traces the integration of food, love, and loss into her new emerging post-bereavement identity.