A relational theory of emotion allows one to understand complex feelings toward and about self and others. By use of state theory, schemas theory, and control process theory, emotionality can be understood in terms of sequences of experienced and expressed affects, actions, and internal thoughts, reactions, and reappraisals. This paper presents a relational theory that includes unconscious processes that anticipate conscious feelings and regulate affect expression in thought or action. A case example of pathological grief provides a concrete illustration of what is meant at each level of theoretical discussion.