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I plunge us into the middle of this ongoing analysis at a turning point because I think this moment in the clinical work illuminates the crux of the problem the analysand and I face. After describing these challenges, I will retrace the terrain he and I traversed to arrive at this point.
Two years into this thrice-weekly analysis using the couch, my analysand, a man in his early forties, said to me:
What type of complexity are you thinking of? I've been enjoying the independence and owning myself. I'm basking in it. I don't want to neglect myself. I gave too much to Mom, to George, to others. I don't have time for them currently. I'm more selfish. I need that. I'm not going to try to understand them more. I don't have time for that.
Later in this session, he added:
If it's real, it's a beautiful point you're making. I'm not sure what it means. It's okay it's simplistic and not complex for now. I don't have time for people's complexity now. You're creating a selfish bitch, it looks like. [laughs heartily]
It may seem ironic to regard my patient's characterizing himself as a “selfish bitch” as the product of creative analytic work, but it wouldn't if you knew of the harshly judgmental states of self-loathing he could fall into, states typical of the earlier phase of his analysis. After a shift in technique, which I will describe in detail shortly, I noticed significant gains over several months in his self-confidence, in his capacity to stand up for