On Becoming and Being a Subject of Sexual Desire

Emergent erotic desire, it is proposed, becomes represented in the mind and body through identification with caregivers as subjects of desire. Here the focus within desire is on erotic desire for another person, both desire for and the wish to be desirable to particular others. Children are seen to identify with caregivers' modes of embodying erotic desire for others (including ways of moving, dressing, relating, and so on that they fantasize as expressing erotic desire for others) in order to represent, psychically and bodily, their emerging erotic desire. These identifications—desire identifications—have a role in representing desire for others that is comparable to the role played by gender identifications in the representation of gender. Embodiments of desire for others, it is argued, are distinguishable (momentarily) from embodiments of masculinity and femininity. These embodiments of desire are routinely characterized, erroneously, as masculinity or femininity by caregivers and culture, and this misrecognition of desire for others as gender is traumatic to the self in its formation as a subject of desire. An extended clinical case is presented to illustrate how desire identifications might arise in the analytic dyad, relationally, bodily, and erotically in the transference-countertransference.