call myself and am called a ‘Kleinian’ yet I often wonder what the word means so I wrote this paper to explore the issue. I describe how I first came across the term and my experience as student, patient and practising analyst over many years. In the light of this reflection what emerges is the striking disparity between the relative coherence of Kleinian thought and the wide differences between those who think it in their consulting-room behaviour. So great is this disharmony that I conclude that there is no such thing as Kleinian analysis and discuss the reasons for and implications of this.