The process of family therapy unleashes forces which are powerful, primitive and potentially theatrical. Family systems therapy has evolved with little acknowledgement, and even disparagement, of the influence of psychoanalysis. In doing so, it has had a revolutionary impact but also one which has diminished the role of experience, particularly in the therapist. There are signs of convergence between modern psychoanalysis and systems therapy, and both have refined techniques that foster the primary task of therapy, which is observation through participation. In order to achieve this, family therapists require their own special skills to protect them from being stage struck by the family/audience (who also provide the script). The positive connotation is just one of these techniques, and I try to unravel its workings from my own experience. Positive connotation is effective when it provokes a transformation in the therapist, which precedes any change in the family. It is a promising technique but it can lead one astray.