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This paper looks at how difficult early experiences can give rise to defences in which patients rely excessively on their minds, or on bodily activity, having little faith in good reliable objects, internal or external, and little capacity for relaxation and just being. Links are made between Winnicott's theories about mind and psyche-soma and Porges' more recent ideas about vagal tone and the parasympathetic nervous system. These ideas are illustrated with a number of clinical examples of patients who were distrustful of others and who were out of touch with their bodily states. Attention is paid to the need to become more ‘body aware’ in our clinical technique, and questions are asked as to how we might manage this.