Commentary by a Fellow of the British Psychoanalytical Society

Referral and presenting problem: R sought help himself. The ending of a relationship with a young ‘ideal’ woman seems to have been traumatic for him—he then left his job, ‘literally slamming the door behind him’ and lacked a steady income. Representing himself as a ‘two-time loser’, he began psychotherapy with a concrete, rather magical, wish to have these losses restored to him. R does not seem to have much insight into his contribution to the breakup. What is conveyed is a sense of grievance, anger and a passive position of things happening to him, a loser, perhaps the adoption of a victim stance.

History: R has been troubled for some years—there is some evidence of him as a troubled child. R is the first and eldest son with a considerably younger brother. I wonder whether there were other pregnancies or miscarriages in this significant gap between the children's births. R's father died when he was a teenager. His representation of his father is of ‘a loser’ and ‘alcoholic’. We do not know the exact nature of the child rearing practices. Was there physical or verbal beating by the father? Was R isolated as punishment, for example, sent to his room? Was he deprived of privileges as punishment? The representation of mother is one of indifference to her son's suffering; we also hear how she considered his punishment ‘natural and necessary’ and did not intervene to protect him. So, both parents, it seemed, contributed to R's sense of himself as a ‘two-time loser.’

Then we hear that R is sent to weekly boarding school at a very young age, preschool age—what age? As a child analyst, for that matter any analyst, this seems particularly important to know. At school, R displaces, re-enacts and repeats his conflicts with his father and mother, provoking older children. It is unknown whether he remains at boarding school during his adolescence when his father dies.

R's sense of self is fragile—he follows others’ desire and seems to resort to how others see him,