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This article will argue that there is no war on gender, in the context of the so-called ‘gender wars’. The dominant binary model of gender as male, masculine, heterosexual or female, feminine, heterosexual is not under scrutiny. There is an old and ongoing attempt to control sex, gender and sexuality and constrain and construct what these mean for the benefit of the patriarchal status quo. Rather than a war on gender, there is a war on identities, relationships and families that are the ‘wrong’ gender, other to the heterosexual nuclear family.