It is suggested that love and hate and the curiosity about these emotions are part of a loving relationship and gives life to the relationship. When hate is denied it can have an insidious effect on the relationship. Hate arises as part of the problem of being with an “other” who challenges our perceptions and sense of truth about our self and the other. It also arises with the limitations on being able to understand and feel understood by another. The disillusionment that follows the “in love state” can also give rise to a grievance which is not worked through. Aggression and transgression are part of sexual intimacy, but unless contained by love, they can be denuded of love and become hateful. But the splitting-off of all aggression can lead to a loss of desire and capacity for intimacy.