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Prior to mentally preparing for Tavistock Relationships' 2019 summer school, my kitchen, at the bottom tip of Africa, was invaded by tiny ants. Their presence represented a toxic dynamic that can occur in a marriage. Just as ants will leap upon any scrap of food, so partners will leap on each other's faults, often severely, as though being right or establishing that the other is wrong, is a matter of life or death.
I attended the 2019 advanced summer school run by Tavistock Relationships to learn about toxic dynamics within couple relationships.
Psychic retreats and psychic space are concepts applied to thinking about couples. Built on John Steiner's notion of psychic retreat (1993) and Ronald Britton's concept of a couple sharing psychic space (1999), we were invited to play in the mental space between these two concepts. The workshop offered selected readings, presentations by Tavistock staff and affiliates to the whole group, and smaller groups where each participant was invited to present their clinical work. We were privileged to be invited into the thinking of leaders in the field. This strengthened the spirit of colleagues thinking together for the development of the field, rather than setting up a potentially expert atmosphere.
Playing within music resonated with the theme of the summer school, where couples “play” between connection and disconnection, enjoying psychic space or retreating. Perrine Moran (2019) described jazz maestros Henry Hancock and Miles Davis playing together. The players later revealed there had been a moment where the one player had made what may have been perceived an error. The other saw it kindly and improvised, enabling the music to continue through playful attunement. There was space for each player to contribute graciously.
Having a couple state of mind, a heuristic concept given by Mary Morgan (2019) and integral to the Tavistock Relationships model of couple therapy, can be likened to musicians creating music through mutual accepta