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Most of all, since it keeps reminding me I'm mortal, this is what has made me want to write this book, because I'm able now to see so much I never saw before, as when life is threatened - though when, in fact, it is not - it throws a light on itself which illuminates every nook and cranny
Au début de l'été 1982, je fus menacé de me voir retirer mon permis de séjour sur la terre
One weekend in my late fifties I suddenly became seriously ill I was hospitalized, and my wife cancelled all my appointments for the following week. When it became obvious that I would not be able to resume my analytic activities for some time she called my patients back: she said I was ill and needed rest but did not give any information about the nature of my illness although it was obvious that something serious must have taken place. Two and a half months later, after a life-threatening illness, I was able to return to my activities without any external sequellae.
It was my intention to adhere strictly to the rule of abstinence with my analytic patients I gave no information to any of them about my illness. Two of my analysands were in or close to the field of medicine and had access to fairly precise information, but even so I decided to treat their material strictly as analytic material having more to do with the unconscious than with external reality. In fact