Experiences with Scott

Thirty or so years after the end of my analysis with Dr. Scott, on the occasion of this special issue of the Canadian Journal of Psychoanalysis, I am brought to reflect on the ongoing impact of my experiences with him and to share some thoughts that encompass memories and impressions in a constant state of transformation. Dr. Scott had been part of the Montreal Psychoanalytic scene for nearly 40 years. His presence was noticeable all throughout my psychiatric training and later during my psychoanalytic training. In 1980 I went to him for analysis. I was looking for an unfamiliar experience and wondering what might emerge from it. To put it differently, I sought analysis with Scott precisely because I could not understand much of what he said, and that carried on for the seven years we met. Still many of the puzzling comments he made stayed with me and over the years have re-emerged with surprising clarity, but mostly with a new understanding that my developing experience was allowed to emerge in a more integrated context. In retrospect it was what I was looking for.

It brings to mind the notion of unconscious experiences. To put it differently, all along I was left with the sense of having experiences that eluded my capacity to articulate consciously. They eluded my understanding at the same time as I was registering their impact. It left me perplexed, disturbed, and at times frustrated. It came to a head through an exchange when, after complaining I did not understand, he wondered aloud why I needed to understand, and in the guise of clarification he added, “I am not talking to you, I am talking to your unconscious.” I found his comment profoundly disturbing at the time but quite useful in the long run. It brought to attention my ongoing attempt to interfere in my analysis by seeking to “understand.” That use of the term hid the wish to stop the