To Expose or to Cover Up: Human Vulnerability in the Shadow of Death*

This paper explores various implications of our shared human vulnerability as mortal beings. The degree to which we are open to or are closed off to our vulnerabilities has a profound effect on whether we address the ultimate frailty of human suffering with compassion or ruthlessness. The author considers how the “existential shame” of our helplessness before death is paralleled by the sense of shameful exposure we feel when being rebuffed by significant figures in our life. As a result of many experiences of rejected vulnerability, human beings tend to defensively cover up their vulnerabilities by using the state of being self-conscious as a means of bracing for disappointment. The state of being self-conscious is informed by a “morality of survival,” in which strength is good and weakness is bad. The morality of survival is a retroactive morality in which good and bad depend on the success or failure of outcome. The author then explores how the attempt to cover up one's shame as an individual may lead to conformity and the construction of social hierarchies between “us” and “them.” The author emphasizes the clinical importance of helping patients confront the shames they most fear. Finally, in contrast to the fear-based morality of survival, the author proposes an ethic of mutuality based on the interdependent acknowledgment of human frailties and the wish to be of compassionate use to another.