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There is a growing consensus among political analysts examining the relative roles of race, gender, class, and economic anxiety in the 2016 presidential contest: the race was about race. But the plot of Trump's delivery to the White House thickens when read through a psychoanalytic lens, with an eye to the primal scene and to anatomical difference. One key thread of the plot is the birtherism narrative and its chain of signifiers, which I argue form a complex of various “isms,” including classism, nationalism, fundamentalism, climate denialism, racism, and sexism. This complex is centered around our literal birthplace—the vagina—but it is an obscured center. I suggest that the vagina operated as a secret key to both the presidential campaign and to the Trump presidency. Though ignored in conventional analysis, this key provides crucial insight into Trump's obliviousness to reality and truth, his misogynistic actions to dismantle women's (reproductive) rights and environmental protections, and his inability to concede to the reality that he and a black man, Barack Obama, shared a common birthplace and birthright.