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Daniel Stern (2005) called attention to the awesome fear evoked by parenting as nothing short of, “I must keep this child alive.” Caring for children and teens confronts parents with this fear. Culturally speaking, we offer little in the way of support to parents, overlooking their sense of vulnerability. It is odd that child psychoanalysis, historically speaking, has been reluctant to address the complicated subject of parental experience. This book resists these cultural attitudes (both inside and outside of psychoanalysis) and instead opens up the topic of parental subjectivity, respecting the multiple stresses and opportunities inherent in such a formative role. Many of the authors of this new book are psychotherapists and they shift their gaze inward to better articulate the very personal experiences they discovered. It is turning a light on in a dark place.
Child therapists are in a stronger position to help their child patients by strengthening their empathic connection to parents. Toward that end, this book would serve clinicians well. Parents would also benefit from reading this collection of reflective essays, because they could feel less alone with inevitable anxieties they will face. As a child psychologist and mother of three, as well as being the child of two psychologists, one a psychoanalyst, I at first felt uncomfortable with the amount of self-disclosure these authors engaged in. The boundary observed between the personal and the professional is made more fluid than I am accustomed to. As I read further, negotiating that difference, I began to appreciate the openness I found in the authors’ processes. I found myself inspired by the elaboration of the multiple
psychological hurdles faced for the love of children. I enjoyed the inclusion of the way parents matured along with their children. This is not so surprising, because we know that parents’ ability for reflective functioning increases the security of attachment for their children. What is les