Letter from Wilfred Bion to Francesca, May 18, 1951. The Other Side of Genius: Family Letters

Francesca my darling,

If I had any strength of will I suppose I should just go to sleep and

be content to wake up in the morning but as it is I can only muster enough consideration for you not to ring you up, which I would do if I did not hope you are now in bed, but not enough to refrain from trying to write a few lines to give you in the morning.

I wish everything did not take so long. And sleep takes the most time of all – one must simply sleep so many hours and that is that; there is no way of sleeping in a hurry and getting it done with.

I feel that probably it would be best if you did not have the fatigue of the journey to Iver on Sunday because there is a terrible lot to do and the journey both ways is a lot to pay for what may be a limited amount of benefit. I shall be livid with frustration at not seeing you, and shall work myself into a lather of irritation I do not doubt but I think it will be good for me to make this small sacrifice if it gives you a chance of a little leisure. I do not know how you manage to get through so much and remain so sweet tempered about it. You fill me with admiration and envy till I get quite humiliated at the thought of my selfishness. Tonight passed with maddening speed and I felt I had wasted the fleeting moments not only for myself but also for you. And now as I try to write this I gaze at your photo and wish it was you. I am sorry my dear; but I wish I could make you feel how much I feel what you do for me.

Well, my dear, it won't be long after I have handed you this that I shall be able to see you again and if I can't do much else I shall at least be able to look at you and indeed that is a great deal.

Francesca darling, Darling, my dear love, goodbye for the present … Saturday morning in the train. I feel as excited as I always feel at the thought I shall see you soon. This train shakes so much I cannot write …

Good-morning my dearest.