You do not currently have permission to view the full text for this document. Please sign in to an account with an active subscription or contact support.
My darling,
… Gillespie was very cordial. I was surrounded by Kleinians. Riviere came, deploring the cessation of the study group and Munro joined the lament. She bubbled away about how well the Clinic went – she got everything she wanted. Personally I can't see how it can be going any differently from usual or what she could be given. On these occasions we are all so warm-hearted and friendly, myself included, that it makes me wonder if it is a reaction from a sort of chronic psychoanalytic dislike. But it is there and quite infectious. I began to feel what a good fellow I was too and how popular. S. said how much she had liked my paper and how true, how very true, she had found it. It really quite opened up a new – alley? – vista? – avenue? – it was so
very – er, very true. She can't have understood it in fact and I don't know why she should suddenly overwhelm me. However, I told her how very – er well, very – er, kind it was of her to – and yes, wasn't it? – quite amazing: I was so glad. But what about God knows. I felt like icebergs.
M.K. apparently became so re-assured that I almost felt I was wasting the price of a meal. I took her to Prunier's which knocked us back £5 and I didn't think it much of a meal either. She pressed on me that she would be very glad to discuss my book with me at any time and I assured her that of course I would if it really wasn't – really? – well of course I should be delighted. Thirty years ago I might have been, and I think I might then have believed that I am really lovable and valuable and worthwhile, as I would be compelled to think if I believed one third of what I heard last night. And I am just as silly. I squeezed H.'s arm on parting, oh ever so affectionately, and said how much I regretted not being able to do any evening work for the Society but I was hoping to do something during the day for the Clinic. And how was I? Oh marvellous! I looked it, he said. I am, I assured him: and how well he looked! But maybe I am just ti