Chapter 18. São Paulo 1978. Clinical Seminars

Presenter: The patient is a woman journalist. She came twenty minutes late to the session I am reporting, did not use the couch, and sat in the chair. On some days she uses the couch, on others she sits in the chair; sometimes she changes places during the session. She arrived looking tired, as if she had been running, but she was well-groomed and well made up. She said, “I wish I had come earlier because I would like a rabbit to come out of my hat today. Lots of things have happened: my mother is going back to the States, and my sister is getting divorced. I have been thinking about leaving analysis because my sister will need money for the divorce. I have other problems as well.” After a pause I asked her what she meant by ‘other problems’. She said she didn't know, but she thought she should stop the analysis because she didn't deserve to have so much money spent on her; she should move to a little house in the suburbs instead of living in several houses.

Bion: I get the impression that she has become aware of the fact that there are an enormous number of options. The problem is, how is she to spend the limited time and money she has? And because they are limited it matters very much what she buys. She could spend the money on a divorce for her sister. Or she could spend it on herself. But it sounds as if she would be unable to tolerate her guilt if she spent her resources of time and money on herself.

I don't think I would say any of that at the moment because I am not sure that she could stand it. I would probably want to hear some more. In the meantime I would keep to myself the opinion that this is a fundamental, basic guilt, the kind of conscience that, if one took a religious view, one would call ‘original sin’. But from my point of view these are symptoms of a very dangerous conscience which is

more of a liability than an asset. It doesn't tell the patient what to do; it only tells her what she must not do. So I suspect she is afraid that you are that kin