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Today X was anxious to insist that my voice was stronger and better – that I had got it back again. And as a corollary, that it had been very weak. Obviously the idea was that he had put me right – not that he had damaged me. Only if he is allowed to be the analyst can the analysis proceed. But all this is an acting out of phantasy. It differs from normal analysis in which the phantasy has to be interpreted; here it is acted, and the analyst has to agree that the phantasy is a fact.
Drowsiness is coming to me; it is part of the relaxation I have to achieve if my ideas are to be accessible. I must dream along, but then I risk going fast asleep. I have had to shut my eyes because they sting. Then I nearly went to sleep. “Watch the wall my darling, while the Gentlemen go by.” [Rudyard Kipling, ‘A Smuggler's Song’.] A smuggling process I must not know anything about. A wrapping up and packing of the goods I wish to remove from the environment. Does this mean that α is to hide things from the conscious? If so, it is nearer to Freud's view of dream-work. The conscious is the servant of the unconscious. It is the conscious whose job it is to lie and deceive and protect the unconscious in its activities.