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What is being resisted? The investigation? The interpretation? The emotional experience of investigation? The possibility of the discovery of something? The arousal of emotions? The elements of the paranoid-schizoid position? The junction of paranoid-schizoid with depressive? The onset of the depressive position?
While I write this, considering it is probably all of them, I find myself thinking with hate and fear of Z: a pictorial image of myself standing up at a meeting and attacking him for being a disaster to his profession. And it occurs to me that it is this visual image of which I am frightened. I do not want the experience of the visual image. A fear of this kind, carried far enough, would inhibit or destroy α – the process by which immediate fact is transformed into ‘storable’ material and not just introjected as undigested fact. Visual image of myself being expelled from the meeting and making a noble, impassioned plea.
The elements are then fragments of the destroyed ‘couple’, and this fits in with observation of X.
But what of mathematics and music? Geometry is a kind of visual image; music can evoke visual images.
This question was followed by a long digression of thought and physical activity. Why? Partly because I could not see any further, but partly because I felt I was confronted with unknown elements that do not fit into my scheme or any scheme. Any synthesis always involves more unknowns appearing – that is to say, the appearance of a whole mass of more ‘elements’. These presumably require a new deductive system, a new theory, or a part of a new but unknown deductive system. At this point it is clear that the objection to the depressive position is not only the emergence of the object synthesized, but of a whole mass of more unsynthesized objects. Thus one reason for the fear of the synthesized punitive super-ego is that its emergence is
inseparable from the emergence of more ‘elements’ which are seen, partly in the light of the recreated punitive s