Started the day feeling sick and tired of being regarded as the trouble-maker, and particularly disgusted at being attacked on these grounds by S. The sting, as usual, being related to feeling that it was impossible by action or in any other way to refute such an action, or defend oneself against such an accusation – Northfield, Tavistock, Presidency. Guilt both at craving privileges and knowing one does want to pay the price of being dominant either by being the liability or being the asset.