What Fades in the Rearview Mirror

It is difficult to end any human relationship by mutual design. Life intercedes-relationships end abruptly or with prolonged false stops and starts that require decoding. Sometimes unresolved memories of abandonment or other emotional pain reprint on the fabric of the present, making a simple good-bye impossible. If we are lucky enough we can have sufficient time and space to prepare for a perfect theoretical closure. On the other hand, what makes a resolution successful may not always be immediately apparent. Ferenczi believed that “a complete analysis entails an infinite period of time” (Ferraro & Garella, 2009), which might embrace the fact that patients, and we ourselves, are often working through multiple layers of losses.

This essay will focus on a confusing termination I had with a former analyst, which I will use to explore the dilemma of disappearances in our profession, and the process of unexpected terminations. Whose responsibility is it to inform clients or patients of a loss, and how are impending, unexpected losses addressed within the therapeutic process? How do we help someone through an ending that has instigated a re-enactment? Considerations of ethics and best practices are involved. There is also a need to revise protocols in order to address some of the contingencies of modern life.

My previous analyst and I ended our work together in a slow, disintegrating manner. I had been asking for months if she (I'll call her Barbara) could please stop dominating sessions. Each week Barbara told stories based on two themes. One story was about a neurobiology book she was reading on the topic of love. The second story was about a neuropsychology study group she had joined. I had been a member of that same study group as a graduate student, but had chosen not to continue once the group moderator switched from “in person” to Skype sessions.

When I would ask Barbara if we could please stop talking about the book and the group, she would say yes, but the request