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In this much-anticipated book, Barbara Waterman artfully draws us into the world of the non-biological mother and her children. With dexterous mind and pen she weaves sociological information and research, psychoanalytic understanding, mythical stories, case examples, as well as her own clinical and personal experience, into a book that appears like a text book but reads nothing like one. There is a lot to learn about the social and psychological issues involved with adoptions, gay parenting, and various foster and step-parenting situations, especially for those of us who do not work with children and are not familiar with the foster and adoptive systems.
Waterman describes some of the agonizing obstacles and difficulties for many children who need non-biological parents and for many women who mother non-biological children. But stories of the determination and resilience of children and parents alike balance these descriptions. Waterman does not just tell us about these parenting situations, she shows us, through powerful vignettes and personal experiences, the learning and growing involved for various kinds of non-biological parent-child couples.
Readers will be impressed with the broad spectrum of psychoanalytic theories that Waterman draws on—from attachment and developmental theory to feminist object relations, Kohut, Winnicott, and others. Whether the reader finds the specific psychoanalytic understandings compelling, s/he will appreciate how theoretical thinking is brought alive through descriptions of specific interactions between parents and children. For those not familiar with psychoanalytic thinking, Waterman's non-pedantic style and commitment to bringing theory alive in these ways will make most of it accessible and understandable.