Who is This Really For?: Masochism in Relation to the Narcissistic Object

I realize I may have made a mistake on Amy's bill by charging her a higher hourly rate. I begin the next hour telling her that I think I made an error on her bill. She checks and realizes that indeed I have, but she hasn't noticed it (though the hourly rate is clearly indicated). She says, resignedly, that she hates to think she can't trust this kind of transaction. After a silence, she says she can't feel all that grateful that I caught the mistake. I say that she must feel that I expect gratitude. She is silent for a good while. Though she has many silences that mean many different things, I suspect that this silence is an attempt to punish me. I float this idea by her. She says yes, she is trying to punish me. I say what she may not realize is that she is hurting herself in the process by denying herself the chance to tell me what she wants me to know. She says with a sigh and tears, “Why can't other people see that?” She tells me how she doesn't know any other way to do it, this is what she learned from her mother. On the next day, she says that she feels very unmotivated and doesn't think anything is going to change today. There's a dragged-down feeling. After a silence, she says that she realizes she wants to make me feel that I can't help her today. I suggest that she feels this is the only way she can hurt me, that I am narcissistic and will feel bad only if I feel like a bad analyst. Her mood seems to lift a little. She says that she is smiling because she thinks that what I say is true. She says that she can't not believe it. I say that I think she does believe it. She says that she hadn't expected to feel better today, implying — without saying — that she does feel better.

In this paper, I want to show how a person can use masochism1 in relation to an object — internal and external — who is seen as narcissistic. In the