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Stanley Ruszczynski's many papers are a tremendous resource for couple therapists seeking to ground themselves in the application of psychoanalytic theory to clinical practice. His classic paper, “Narcissistic Object Relating” (1995), is a staple of my teaching papers, and I couldn't imagine trying to describe the multiple communicative and controlling aspects of projective identification in couples, or how couples fail to see each other as separate beings, without it. “Couples on the Couch” is another important paper packed with insights into the nuances of narcissistic object relations as these pertain to couple dynamics. He demonstrates throughout how the form of couple therapy that has evolved at the Tavistock Centre for Couple Relationships applies the fundamental tenets of psychoanalysis. In developing his argument, Ruszczynski has given us a very thorough orientation to the psychological functioning of disturbed couples.
In this paper I will first respond to some ideas Ruszczynski presents and elaborate on them through the lens of other papers he has written, as well as ideas his London-based colleagues have presented over the years, paying special attention to the problem of difference in couples; that is, with how partners deal with the impingement of each others' differences. Ruszczynski states that “the clinical question is whether there is the potential in the couple for a less narcissistic and a more mature or more flexible way of relating.” In light of this question, I will next weave in what I believe to be potentially effective, everyday clinical ways of facilitating the movement of couples towards healthier forms of relating.
Ruszczynski's paper points us toward a recognition of what he calls the “archaic remnants” of mind, including intergenerational transmissions and