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We know ourselves in dialogue with others. This is the basis of mutuality from which all else evolves. When we engage with another, we have the opportunity to see ourselves from another perspective, as others see us. This truth pertains to therapists as well. I believe knowing ourselves in the relationship with our patients, in real time, is essential to therapeutic action and the best safeguard against impasses.
Our conversation takes place in a historical and cultural surround. The relationship can be impinged upon by realities that both therapist and patient share. All of us know this now, which makes mutuality all the more crucial.
Suddenly Robert urgently pressed me, “What is going on! Why am I feeling this way? … I feel like I'm falling apart.” I was completely caught off guard and confused, not knowing what was happening or what to say. One moment we were relaxed together and the next he was in free fall. My first reaction, reflex really, was to make sense of it, to give him an interpretation, an understanding of why he is feeling this way. I had my theories. At the same moment, I ignored other things I really know, like being emotionally with the patient. I am committed to viewing the clinical encounter as experiential first and foremost. What happened?
Something in me was off. I spoke calmly to him as an insight-giving analyst, but my words sounded abstract and lifeless to me. “You don't know what to do with me, do you?” Robert said. “I've totally confused you but