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Patrick Ruiz is a 45-year-old who did not begin his transition from female to male until the age of 42. Raised in a Hispanic family in Southern California and the Southwest, he now lives as a single parent in Boston where he is developing his own businesses. I have left Patrick's autobiographical statements in questionnaire form [EDITOR's NOTE].
How did you see your gender identity as a child compared to your peers, and what were the early signs of gender dysphoria?
When I was a child, I played dress-up, but I used my dad's clothes (and only when my parents were away). I walked around wearing dad's big coats and shoes, rolling up the cuffs on his pants so that they wouldn't drag on the floor. I fantasized about wearing wingtipped shoes. Sometimes when I was in the bathroom getting ready for my nightly shower, I would lock the door and lather my face with his shaving cream. I removed the blade from the razor, and shaved the cream off, using dad's techniques (i.e., stretching the face to get the upper lip, etc.). I would also use the shaving cream to simulate what I would look like if I had facial hair. All of these activities would make me feel good at the time, but guilty afterwards because I knew that the adults would disapprove of my behavior.
One incident I remember that involved gender was during Christmas. I had received two gifts from my parents: a racecar from my dad, and a walking doll from my mother. The car was a steel Indy style racer, painted white with red and blue trim. It was about 12 inches long, and the head and shoulders of the driver protruded from the cockpit. The wheels would gather momentum if I ran the
Patrick Ruiz is a lawyer and entrepreneur in Boston, Massachusetts.
car along a surface a couple of times. When I let go of the car, it would zoom across our hardwood floor, and would smack as it hit the baseboard on the other side of the room. I received much pleasure running the little car back and forth across the living room, and in fact playe