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I wish to thank Nina Coltart for her comments on my text. They have inspired me to further thought and further studies of the literature and given me a more profound insight into some unconsicous processes.
She prompted me to read or reread with greater attention some of the psychoanalytical texts by Bollas (1, 2) and Winnicott (3) which she mentions as relevant in this context. They have in many ways increased my personal understanding of my story, but I leave it to the professional analysts to make the theoretical interpretations.
Nina Coltart's request, in a letter to me, that I elaborate on a sentence in my first version of the paper—on the scientific reports on Finnish war-children being “biased and controversial”—as well as her focusing on my uncertainty about the sigificance of my own experiences and feelings in a broader perspective—an uncertainty I have in common with many warchildren—has, however, given me new insights which I would like to share with the reader.
The stories about the experiences of warchildren and the consequences of the separations are vastly different depending on the the perspective applied: that of the adult—governed by his own outer, social motives (admittedly very relevant in times of war) and perhaps by a vague inner feeling of guilt—seeing and judging on the basis of outer manifestations only and closing the eyes to all signs of inner disturbances; or that of the child, finally acquiring a voice and a language to express the pain that went on inside and the permission and courage to uncover the lies and the deceipt consciously or unconsciously used by some of the responsible adults “to protect the child”. Many warchildren are still today uncertain about which perspective they should choose, which voice they should listen to.
When reading the chapter “On knowing what you are not supposed to know and feeling what you are not supposed to feel” in John Bowlby's book A Secure Base (4) recently, some of the mechanisms behind this confusion