In Memoriam for Henri Parens, M.D.

Henri Parens was a great man, a person you could look up to, the kind of person you want to be. When I think of the course of his life, I think of something Nelson Mandela said about how we develop our human capabilities: “the fact that courage is expected of you in the face of the unbearable gives you strength for the rest of your life.” This is the life he lived. He worked tirelessly to help prevent unnecessary pain and suffering, but he also recognized that life is unfair. It hurts. So we need to know how to deal with the unavoidable pains of life constructively. This was the cornerstone of his life and work-how do we maintain real hope and develop resilience? We do so only with the love and help of others to sustain us and our own hard work, effort and determination.

Henri faced a terrifying, murderous world. His life and work show us the components of a resilient response—with mother's help and love to support me, I can survive and make the best of whatever life hands me.

Now I'm going to turn to Henri's description of his leaving his mother behind to escape from an internment camp when he was 12. His mother had planned every detail of his escape—she gave him money for a train ticket, directions to the station, and told him to go to Marseille where he could get help from a group working for the protection of children. Henri didn't want to leave his mother and initially protested, but said in an interview, “I couldn't say no to my ma.” In contrasting himself to children who are abused and neglected, Henri said, “My mother loved me. I had a rock to stand on for the rest of my life… I was safe in my mother's heart. She was safe in my heart.”.1 With his mother's love to stand on, his source of inner sustainment (the title of one of his earliest papers), he was determined to make the best of the terrible pain life had given him. Rather than letting the horrible losses and suffering he had to endure overshadow his mother's love and embitter him, he dedicated his life t