A Comment about Henri Parens

Henri Parens was a well established and prominent analyst by the time I entered my analytic training in the late 1970's. Despite his diminutive stature, he had the presence of giant, owing to his operatic voice, his confident presence, his articulateness, his brilliance, his curiosity, and his warm, engaging smile. My relationship with him was deep, complex, and it evolved into an enduring connection for more than 40 years. He was a supervisor, instructor, mentor, and much more. Over time, he felt like a family member to me, a kindly and wise uncle. In fact, he was a household name, owing to the fact that he had treated one of my children, who had cutely nicknamed him, “Dr. Poopins!”

It therefore, seemed natural to ask him to sing the Kaddish for my mother at the memorial service for her at my house. He quickly and solemnly accepted; I felt extremely grateful and knew that she would have loved it. However, Henri canceled at the last minute; he said he was not feeling well. After my disappointment, I was then reminded once again of how bravely and effortlessly he seemed to bear his own bottomless pit of grief for his mother. As he was the epitome of composure and being in control, I always wondered if it might have been a bit too emotional for him that day. So, I never asked him about it. Several days later, he assured me that he felt better and that was that. Basically, I shouldn't worry about him.

Henri generously gave of himself to as many people and causes as one possibly could. It was even reflected in the outgoing message he recorded on his old answering machine: “…..and you will have ample time to speak, after the beep”. Imagine that! As a very impressionable candidate, I was astounded to hear such an invitation from a classically trained psychoanalyst.

I sensed from the beginning that there was something very unique about Henri Parens and I was drawn to him. Selma Kramer once described him as “very ethical”, in addition to everything else about him. But, there w