One hundred years ago Freud set mourning against melancholia in the belief that endured losses leads to depression. However, it is not only unmourned grief, but unworked-through violence that leads to destruction and enables the victim the possibility of ridding themselves of unbearable psychic pain. The solutions to this predicament are different; from identification with the aggressor to turning this pain against himself, resulting in depression, self-injuries, and suicide. This article illustrates the principle at three different, but interrelated levels: personal, familial, and social. It suggests that not only individuals or families resist mourning, but that multiple generations in different countries may not be able to complete the working-through of these traumas. This may lead to constant re-enactment of the scenario and strangles development.