Parental Divorce And Developmental Progression: An Inquiry Into Their Relationship

The authors argue that the patterning of conscious and unconscious needs, wishes, and expectations that parents and children bring to each other is often profoundly altered under the impact of divorce and the parents’ subsequent adult relationships. These changes, which are inherent in the divorce experience, have the power to modify significantly or derail the young child's developmental course. Clinical observations from an ongoing longitudinal research project show striking changes in the child's image of his parents, as portrayed here in the vivid play and fantasy of a psychologically sturdy child, concurrent with psychological changes in both parents and in their parenting. A follow-up, twelve years later, is reported. The authors suggest that the stable parenting of this child's first three years represented an internalised template of good relationships, which enabled him, despite the father's subsequent abandonment, the mother's grave acting out and the stepfather's rejection, to turn away from his disappointment in his parents, to wrest what was available from school, friends and others, and to propel himself forward at each point to the next developmental stage, moving increasingly away from his family towards independence and competence. The consistency of the child's inner life and integrity is contrasted with the depression of his parents and the instability of their parenting.