‘Break Point’: A Significant Moment in the Transference

‘To be frank, I'm not here because I want to. I'm here because my wife doesn't stand me any more and has given me an ultimatum: either I change or I leave the house.’

These were the first words Ignacio said. He was 50 and was referred to me by the colleague who treated his wife.

His appearance was nice; his clothes were formal, with very careful attention paid to every detail. He impressed me as a very executive and successful person who defined himself as ‘perfectionist, prone to detail and control, difficult to live with’.

He went on to describe thoroughly, and with pride, his working achievements: ‘I am a third generation of university graduates, like my father and grandfather, we the Xs [his family name] are famous for doing our jobs well, excellence is our priority’.

He has been married to Laura for more than 20 years. She is a university graduate as well who has never worked as such and has, on the other hand, devoted herself to taking care of him and of their children and home. He says that, since his wife started her analysis, their lack of understanding and their arguments have become more frequent.

He is the first child of a wealthy couple who belonged to a high socioeconomic class; he seems to have had a difficult bond with his parents: dependent and with scarce affective communication. He has always felt very strongly demanded upon, and responded with an outstanding performance both as a student and as a professional.

He followed the steps of his father at university and describes him as a tyrant. He has shared the office with him since he graduated. This situation generates intense feelings of rage and frustration, but nothing can be done to change it.

He has almost lost touch with his only sister, four years younger than him, as she has lived abroad since she was very young.

He was in analysis for two years and it apparently ended in an impasse.