In the last decades, sexuality as a motivational driving force seems to have lost its central theoretical status within psychoanalysis. The paper discusses what the weakening of the drive perspective implies, theoretically as well as clinically. Based on Freud's theory of sexuality I discuss the connection between drive and object seeking. I underline the importance of early affective communication, not least through unconscious, enigmatic messages marked by the eroticism of the caregiver. The internalisation of the unconscious “other” remains a template for erotic longing. The division between sexuality and attachment is discussed, thereby highlighting the paradoxes of human love. I argue that the waning of sexual drive as a central motivational force entails a loss of theoretical complexity. Consequently, the clinician may be less able to grasp archaic layers of patients’ personality and life experience as well as their sexual problems and difficult love relationships. The concept of drive comes forward as a guarantee against relational reductionism