Remembering Marian

Marian was a precious gift to all of us who knew and loved her. She taught us through her example how to live life to its fullest and how to die with dignity. Marian had enormous energy, zest for life, and passion about everything that she did in life—foremost for her were her family, her patients, and the development of self psychology. Her radiant smile and warm presence were a breath of fresh air and ray of sunshine for us all.

I first heard Marian lecture in 1986 after completing my master's degree in social work, and I was completely enamored with this woman who spoke so clearly and eloquently about the nature of self psychology. I had had a classical psychoanalysis, after which I still experienced self-confidence issues despite my successes in life. My best decision in life was going to see her and requesting a second analysis—I waited one year to begin treatment. So began a magnificent 20-year relationship with this superb psychoanalyst, a brilliant teacher with a photographic memory, who later became my supervisor, mentor, and friend. Upon completing my analysis, like so many others, I continued to see Marian weekly for anything that was meaningful to me. She was always a nurturing cheerleader, who believed that nothing was too much for me to accomplish in life. Marian mirrored my tendrils of strength (forward edge development) and was genuinely empathic with my struggles and pain. I remember once feeling panicked about

presenting at a workshop, and Marian edited my paper and buoyed me up psychologically to enjoy the experience. Marian was the role model for all of us to provide selfobject experiences in tune with the patient's needs—not the therapist's!

I, like all of her patients, and indeed Marian herself, challenged her original classical training. One aspect of this had to do with gift giving. I found out at a meeting in Marian's memory that she had anonymously presented to training analysts the story of my baking challah and desiring a hu