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April 16, 2008
Dear Marian,
You have been in our hearts and minds since we first met in the mid-80s. The future will be no different than the past. Our memories of you are filled with mutual love and admiration. Here is an incident that has been told to many people but never to you. I don't know if you recall the first Cape Cod meeting we had. At our program and publications committee meeting it was announced that Bob Stolorow, Bernie Brandchaft, and I had started an institute. There was general anger. We should not have done that because Heinz had not wanted there to be specific self psychology institutes and because we had not informed the committee of our plan. We were yelled at by everyone else on the committee—except you. You were the only one who stood with us. Given the circumstances, it was a courageous stand and introduced a calming note into an otherwise turbulent meeting. It was a model scene for Annette and me with you. There were many other high points that echoed this theme, but you just can't top courage, sanity, and graciousness. Remember when the self psychology group met with the British Independent Group in Chicago? Well, Annette and I wanted to bike from our hotel to the meeting, and you and Paul lugged your bikes to our hotel so we would be able to bike to the meeting. It was one of those many little, but memorable, acts that can often sink
into oblivion. But it won't because it was so characteristic of you and so memorable.
Didn't we have a great time in our dialogue on leading and forward edges? We always laughed a lot together, and whenever we think of you, we smile and we think of you smiling. It's always been like that, and there is no reason to think that that will ever change.
We love you Marian, and we wish you peace.
Frank and Annette Lachmann