The author’s work with combat veterans who have participated in horrific violence has led him to re-examine therapeutic action and the role of empathy. Authentic solicitude, as Robert Stolorow describes in World, Affectivity, Trauma, becomes central to forming a relational home for processing and integrating traumatic emotional experiences. The author argues that we must use empathy as a tool to find our shared humanity with our patients, the heart of which is finitude. The author also describes some forms of inauthentic Being-towards-death that might serve as unconscious defensive functions for both patients and therapists when facing finitude. He demonstrates how he applies these ideas to understand his reactions when working with patients who have participated in actions that dehumanize others. A stance focused on authentic solicitude with our patients can shift psychoanalysis towards providing a dialogic, relational home for trauma.