In the course of an analytic career, life events will impact the analytic relationship. Analysts get pregnant. Analysts divorce their spouses. Analysts get ill, and analysts lose their loved ones. In this paper, I describe the ways that the unexpected, traumatic and public loss of my fiancee and partner of 12 years impacted my work with patients. In particular, I explore how the destabilized and vulnerable self-states that arise out of the bereavement can facilitate transformation in one’s patients. I argue that the analyst’s capacity for authentic engagement arises out of the analyst’s open surrender to her vulnerability as a human being engaging with another human being. The impact of the analyst’s vulnerability and the unique opportunities for therapeutic growth this can facilitate are demonstrated.