Hope and Uncertainty. The Subjective Experience of the Body During Covid-19 Pandemic

The paper is about Marica, a patient diagnosed with a severe form of Cutaneous T-cell lymphoma. This condition necessitated a sequel of surgical procedures on her face that led to a real transformation of her face’s sensory balance and to sensory changes in other parts of her body. The impairment of affective regulation and of her subjective experience of her body followed and generated in her a depressive withdrawal and a deep psychic pain. Moreover, Mrs. M. was forced to cover her face with a mask. This condition, especially her use of a face mask and her social withdrawal, intersected with the month of March 2020 and the explosion of the Covid-19 pandemic in Italy and in the world. During our sessions, we explored the change in her feelings of shame and mortification in being seen in the hopes of helping her gain more positive regulation. The emotional derailment in being seen that had so far damaged her subjective feeling of “inhabiting her own body” found an emotional holding in the experience of mandatory face mask wearing and the lockdown. These requirements favored our on-line remote sessions and gave rise to new and generative narratives.