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Brenda Solomon remembers Arnold’s response to the discussants of his 1999 American Psychoanalytic Association Plenary paper entitled “Between Empathy and judgment”:
“Any writer should hope to produce a mixture of enjoyment and discontent to his readers. One fails in the writing or delivering of a paper … . if the audience leaves without worry, since worry, I believe is the crucial emotion for the life of an analyst, who probably should worry her or himself right to the grave. Contentment, certainty and calm are the sirens surely of our individual journeys and I allowed myself a bit of each as I felt I succeeded in properly troubling my listeners and discussants. As much as I like everyone to agree with me, the real pleasure comes from getting someone to feel some of that unsettled state that sometimes succeeds in pulling us away from what we know.”
“This is the Arnold I came to admire, know and love”, she writes.
David Solomon’s memories center around Arnold’s mentorship. “Whenever I listen to a case, supervise, or teach there is Arnold showing how it’s done.”
Sheldon Meyers recalls Arnold’s easy ability to laugh at himself, and his extraordinary generosity. He writes: Arnold and I have been office mates since 1996. He was generous and easy to deal with around all office issues offering to help without being asked.” In 1975, Sheldon told Arnold about a lottery for buyers of 75 houses at the old McCormick Seminary. Arnold’s lottery number was lower than Sheldon’s which entitled him to purchase the last large house available. Arnold offered it to Meyers, who graciously turned it down. Sheldon never forgot this evidence of Arnold’s largesse, which he felt equally in Arnold’s lifelong commitment to keeping Kohut’s work alive. He concludes: “I missed Arnold as he retired from our office.” He says, “It feels empty as I now mourn his death.”
Brenda concludes, “Over the 35 years, all of us became lasting friends, which in the course of time led us to witness Arnold’s painful phy