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Shame has come out of the closet (somewhat) since the American Psychoanalytic Association February meetings, where a group of us were affectionately called the “shamenicks,” because of our yearly discussions on the subject. The compassionate and lively presence of the late Andy Morrison made those exchanges especially meaningful to me. Thanks to his work, and many others (for example Kohut, 1971; Lansky & Morrison, 1997; Lewis, 1971; Morrison, 1989; Nathanson, 1992; Orange, 2008; Wurmser, 1981) shame is recognized as a potent force in human experience.
Dan Shaw brings his personal and professional experience to bear on an especially shame inducing context: involvement in cults and the process of emerging from them. Shaw writes (movingly, admirably, courageously) about his own recovery, after a decade of cult membership. His focus expands, to note similarities to the healing process from abusive marital and other personal relationships.
Most remarkably, Shaw effectively breaks down the “othering” that can keep us from full recognition of the shame and fear that can linger in the bodies, minds, and hearts of abuse survivors. He shares his contagiously empathic vision of what it can be like to endure imprisoning relationships. Curtailed freedom results from externally imposed strictures, but also from the fear and shame that create an internal prison. Survivors may fear for their lives as they contemplate leaving cults and other traumatizing environments. Economic viability, social connection, custody of children may also be at stake, as well as the consequences for one’s identity and self-esteem.
Well-meaning clinicians may focus on the patient’s early history, to shed light on their vulnerability to submitting to tyranny and abuse. Shaw makes it clear that such exploration may be very useful at some point, but first on the agenda should be helping survivors voice their experience and bear its emotional aftermath.
With great insight, Shaw also addresses the cult leader’s