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This paper extends concepts from infant research and intersubjective systems theory to couples treatment. Infant research views human development as taking place in a two-person developmental system, in which the caregiver and the infant coordinate to foster infant development. Couples treatment is by analogy seen as a three person developmental system. Systems based psychoanalytic theories are applied to the couple/therapist system, particularly in regard to the oscillation between hoped-for selfobject experiences and feared repetitive experiences. Infant research has shown that the origin of our sense of self, others, and self-with-others emerges from the ongoing, largely nonverbal, dialogue between infants and caregivers. The attachment security from infancy is reorganized by adult relationships. The therapist looks to help partners (1) repair disruptions when they occur, (2) recognize each other and in turn feel recognized and (3) have greater ability to reflect or mentalize on their partner’s and their own mental states. The “back and forth weave” of the therapist’s attention is shown to have particular salience in fostering development. The paper concludes with a case example of how a single look or expression disrupts the couples enjoyment of an anticipated day.